Lebowski ipsum this compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ride. Nihilists! Jesus. Darkness warshed over the Dude— darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. All right, Plan B. You might want to watch out the front window there, Larry. I know my rights. They won't hurt us, Donny. These men are cowards.
Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Look, Larry… Have you ever heard of Vietnam? Our basic freedoms. Jeez. I miss vinyl. My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you, man! I was, uh, one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement —The original Port Huron Statement. Not the compromised second draft. Vee belief in nossing. Vee vant zat money, Lebowski.
Do you have any kalhua? The nail polish, Walter. Huh? Oh. Yeah. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. And there was a, uh… my briefcase. I, uh… money, yeah, I gotta respectfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. Jesus, man, can you change the station? Since you have failed to achieve, even in the modest task that was your charge, since you have stolen my money, and since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust.
Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American. Please. This Chinaman is not the issue! No, the, uh, police chief of Malibu. A real reactionary. No ma'am, I didn't mean to give the impression that we're police exactly. We're hoping that it will not be necessary to call the police. Call the medics, Dude. But that is up to little Larry here. Isn't it, Larry? When will you find these guys? I mean, do you have any promising leads?
I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. To use the parlance of our times. Mind if I smoke a jay?
People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. Can we just rent it from you? …and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that—quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties —just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man—I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?—but sometimes there's a man.
Mein nommen iss Karl. Is hard to verk in zese clozes. I—the royal we, man, you know, the editorial. A man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "Johnson". I know how he likes to present himself; Father's weakness is vanity. Hence the slut. Jeffrey, you haven't gone to the doctor. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. Near the In-and-Out Burger.
Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the mud so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! What in God's holy name are you blathering about? Whose toe was it, Walter? HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY! It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. That wasn't her toe. Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands. Za, okay, I bring mein toolz. Vee could do things you only dreamed of, Lebowski. Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish?
Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? LOGJAMMIN'. Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options. Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together. Is this your homework, Larry? Obviously you're not a golfer. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.